This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
