So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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