I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A bitchslap is in order.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
