omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
