He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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