Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
