does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
