I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
