this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
