So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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