I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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