Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
