then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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