Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
