I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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