Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
