We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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