Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
