Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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