i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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