turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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