Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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