Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
