One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
