That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
two words: eviction party
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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