Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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