Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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