I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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