the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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