Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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