I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
