I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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