I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
