Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
