Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
