hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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