I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
