i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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