I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
