but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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