Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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