I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Buhtt sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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