shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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