I'm lost and stupid without you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
