I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
