I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
