friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
