Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
