so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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