70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we're making bets on your personal life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
