Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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