Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
