I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
