woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
