don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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