8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what day is it and did you see me today?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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