so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
