I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
