Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
