By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
