The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
