My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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