I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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