i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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