8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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