So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
