How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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