Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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