It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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