It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
