I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
