you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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