Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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